Are you a foreigner in love with a Nigerian man or may be dating a Nigerian man? Are you planning to move back to Nigeria with your newly wedded charming Nigerian husband ? If yes,there are some important stuffs you should know beforehand.
There are a lot of stereotypes on the internet about dating Nigerian men, but like the English proverb: A coin has two sides, all men can’t be bad or all good .
In this article, I will be take you through a guide towards dating or marrying a decent Nigerian man or isn’t a descent Nigerian man what you’re looking for or prefer to have?
How is a decent Nigerian different from other men around the world?
Men can’t be the same just as you women also aren’t the same. We men might have similar triggers and desires but not the same cultural upbringing, values or expectations.
I am not a relationship counsellor but I am decent Nigerian man, so I know a lot about us. People go into inter racial marriages for different reasons and there will always be a cultural shock when two people with different backgrounds come into a relationship.
For you to truly show you love a Nigerian man, you need to embrace his people and cultures.
First, don’t try to change a Nigerian man to suit your standards, while it may seems that you’re winning the race it won’t take long for him to erupt, so it’s better for you to learn and try to come to a compromise with his ways, he will also learn to compromise with yours too. We grew up in families that hold strong cultural ethics, ethics that may take some time for you to understand.
To make things quite easy and lovely, I will be explaining the dos and don’ts in a list so you have lesser problem dating Nigerian men.
Respect is the key.
Respect in Nigeria is something you have to really consider when dating a Nigerian man. This even get more serious if your husband is a Yoruba man. Every Nigerian man wants a loyal wife. Our culture demands that the man should be the head of the family, but that doesn’t make the woman his househelp. A proverb in Nigeria says man is the head, the woman is the neck, and you know both can’t do without each other, the neck supports and carry the head. In Nigeria, husband and wife work together as a team, each playing different roles in the family. In your Country’s law, men and women might be equal when it comes to authority and leadership, but this is not the same for us.
It doesn’t mean that you wont be able to vocalize your opinion and let your desires be known however at the end of the day, the man leads. The benefit of this is that most Nigerian men are also success minded and will make sure the family is provided for. If your Nigerian man is paying household expenses don’t expect him to also do household chores, such as cooking as washing dishes. This doesn’t mean that he won’t help out here and there or cook sometimes, household work is seen as the woman’s responsibilities.
Marrying a Nigerian man means you’re also going to marry his family.
Well I don’t mean that literally, but his family has a very big influence on him, most Nigerian men are tied closely to their parents and siblings, this even gets stronger if he is the first born of the family, as he will most likely have to sometimes provide financially for his parents and siblings.
You as a non-Nigerian, coming from a different family background and culture , you will probably have assumptions about how a family works, this assumptions are most likely not to work when you’re dating or married to a Nigerian man.Very important to remember that you don’t have to agree with the beliefs and traditions of your partner’s family, just respect them.
In Nigeria not just the man and the woman yoke to become one, the family of both party also becomes one. Also expect occasional visit from your in-laws, just be nice and respectful they won’t bite.
In fact this should be the first thing you should know, the English proverb, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is so true and valid for Nigerian men. We men (not just Nigerian men alone) don’t joke with food. If you don’t know how to cook, that’s a big minus on your side, you need to learn how to cook and not just how to cook but how to cook his favorite local dish , you will thank me later for this advice, because this always work like magic when you need to win his affection back.
A friend of mine, an European who travelled to Nigeria told me of her cultural shock when she visited a Nigerian family. The wife brought the food to the husband, gave water to wash his hands after eating, and when the husband finished eating, he just stood up leaving the dishes behind for the wife, who afterwards came back thanking him for eating the food and gave him a chiiled cup of beer to top it up. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Those things are etiquette in Nigeria. I grew up in a family with similar values too.
A lot of Nigerian men love football, and when I say “love football”, I am not talking about the love you have for your TV shows and soaps (Note that I didn’t say all but a lot), you might be lucky, yours might not be a football enthusiasts but the chances that the Nigerian man you just found or dating will like football is 1 out of 2.
He will always like not to be distracted when watching a football match so please don’t bother him when an important game is on, else you see his other side.
Letting out emotions
“Men don’t cry” while a psychologist will say it’s a shame that men are taught this, the reality is that in Nigeria, men are expected not to always let out their feelings else he may be regarded as a weakling.
Don’t expect him to kiss you in public, and don’t get angry when he acts funny trying to kiss you back. Kissing in public is still considered weird especially in Nigeria, although the very exposed Nigerian men now see things differently but you can’t blame him probably he has never seen his parents kiss or look at each other affectionately because “those things are just not done for the public eyes” in Nigeria.
At the end of the day, this guide simple comes down to understanding. No matter who he is, Ghanian, Nigerian or Kenyan, you must be willing to understand and respect your partner.
Hopefully this article helps you avoid or understand some of the hiccups in the relationship with your Nigerian man and don’t forget to like our page on Facebook to follow other interesting stories.
Article culled from TALKINGDRUM BLOGDating a Nigerian Man 101 by Omonaija